sem 2 wk 3.... and everything just seems so wrong
Jan 28, 2010;
its wk 3 of sem 2 alr, but everything just feels so unreal.... life is weird, now that i live in hall, sleep cycle messed up, totally sian attitude towards sch and stuff (which isnt a gd thing at all)
and its seems so obvious to everyone. my roomie keeps asking me if im ok, my neighbour too... i dunno if im really ok or not. maybe im just tired, maybe im nt.
i should be studying real hard to pull up my cap, get good grades, stop my parents from worrying for me. but.... i cant bear to do hw, cutting so classes and lectures alr... im like real sian of sch.
hall is good, its fun of cos, but nonetheless unreal too. new friends and old come tgt and have fun, but somehow im nt enjoying myself to the fullest. maybe thats cos i only have one source of happiness (or two)
problems arise too, old and new. although the old one seem so sian alr. keeps resurfacing and rearing its ugly head at me all the time. sometimes i think if i should just really let go for both our sakes. but its really too hard for me. and yet i keep feeling like im filling up this bottomless pit...
people who dunno think we're good, but we're nt. its such a facade that i have to maintain, so that the dream will stay a dream, and nt become a nightmare. everything just seems so easy and happy when we dun say anything, but once we do, it just adds another stab into the already broken heart. for him its easy, cos he's clear abt the way he feels. for me its not, cos i cant change my feelings. and as i continue playing this fake role in order to nt change the status quo, the heart will still keep hurting, no matter what.
sometimes i think its just so simple, yet it isnt. its nt simple because i dun wan it to be, because i cant let him go. and i foolishly think that as long as im by his side no matter what status, i'll be happy. but im nt. and the pain is as much as the happiness. so should i let go, or not?
.... dun wanna wake up from this dream ....
