haven't been to this page since forever. and frankly i thought i wouldn't need to anymore. looking at the last post that was about daniel 2 years back around this time too, it seemed so distant yet so familiar. 2 years back it was all about rejection, but yet somehow we've became the best of friends. that was kinda a weird but good ending in the end. this isn't. i dunno where to write but here, which is sad cos i really hoped i didn't have to come back here agn. all throughout the day it was nothing but pain from heartbreak. yes im functional but just barely. it just hurts so bad.... 1 year 6 mths and 6 days hasnt been long, and neither has it been short. we've had our ups and downs, laughter and tears throughout this period, and yet it all seems like a dream now. except the pain proves that it wasn't. the pain is a reflection i guess, of how much i had hurt you, especially these past few months. only now when it backlashes at me do i truly feel the pain. the pain of losing you as a loved one. but the pain made me reflect on a lot of things. events from our past just keep filling my mind whenever i stop doing smth. i was the selfish one who thought that you would always be there for me no matter what. turns out i was wrong. 私のわがままのせいで、プライドのせいで、本気の気持ち言いなかった。本当にこんなに君に愛してるのに、君に何度も何度も傷をつけされた。結局二人も傷をつけた。でも今は何を言っても事実は変わらない。本当に別れた。 selfishness and doubt took over my heart, and i lost my mind. when you told me the very same words that i used to hurt you, i truly felt the pain that you felt when you heard them from me. i guess if it was too much for me, it was too much for you too. and you've been so tolerant to me for so long, and yet i took it all for granted. 今の私、泣きたいしか何もしたくない。君は私の心から出てから、残るのは痛みしかない。 a friend told me something today, if i really cried so badly for you, then i should think about why i cried so badly for you. but everything's too late now.... each text from you just bores another hole into my already broken heart. there's nothing left for me to expect any longer other than knowing i will probably wake up in tears the next morning, wash them off and carry on with life's duties. 君がいない世界には期待もなし、愛もなし、笑いもなくなった。